I am one in four.

Long time, no type. It’s been over two years since I last opened up the ‘new post’ screen and so much (and so little) has changed since then. The biggest change being I’m now a fully fledged member of the worst girl gang ever. I am one in four. And if you don’t know what that means, count yourself lucky.

A little life update

It’s not lost on me that I disappeared mid 2021, as the world opened up again and weddings (the busiest part of my workload) returned. Gone are the chilled evenings and mid week days off!

Two years have also passed since I was handed a pile of forms, triggering numerous assessments for potential neurodivergence. It’s been a long LONG road of which we are still journeying. So it’s no wonder I didn’t have any spare time to spend over here. Updating this blog has been the least of my worries.

However, I do find it intriguing that I find myself here again. At the toughest time I’ve had in my adult life.

I’m not sure if it’s because journaling and emptying my emotions onto virtual paper have always been my best form of therapy (although counselling is a newly discovered favourite of mine too) or whether it’s because I’ve yet to find a story identical to mine in the depths of the web.

Just like I was back in 2019 when we were knee deep in Hip Dysplasia, I’ve been scouring blogs and podcasts for stories of baby loss that mirror ours- and I’m yet to find one I truly identify with.

So the many posts that follow this, is ours. Our story our baby loss. The toughest journey we’ve ever been on.

The taboo within the taboo

Writing about the past few months has gone through my mind time and time again, but reading the wonderful blog ‘Feathering the empty nest’ and book ‘Ask me his name’ were gentle push I needed.

Because if we don’t talk about baby loss it’ll remain a taboo. How can something be a taboo when it affects 25% of pregnancies. Yes, the one in four statistic isn’t one in four women its one in four PREGNANCIES.

And those one in four numbers don’t include Termination for fetal abnormalities or medial reasons (TFMR). By excluding TFMR from this conversation those of us experiencing it will continue to feel silenced. It will remain the taboo within the taboo.

If my words can reach out and hold the hand of another parent facing the reality we had, then emptying my heart on here has been worth it. These posts will be raw, emotional but hopefully also helpful and supportive.

And I really hope they’ll be some with glimmers of hope and a shining rainbow one day too.

Sian x